The Day We Learned About Flying Deer

So three to four times per week, I have the opportunity to drive the girls to dance via what I like to call deer ally.  The studio is at the end of a long street near the hills with farms and meadows all around it.  It is beautiful and treacherous.  When driving down this road in the evening, it is never a question of will you see deer, it is how many you will see.  They often congregate on the lawn next to the parking lot at the dance studio.  Several times there were so many of them there, I am sure they were having some kind of deer caucus.  Since I know they are there, I am always cautious during our drive.  We’ve been going there since 2005, so I was hopeful I could beat the odds.  I’ve had to slam on my brakes a couple of times, but we’ve always prevailed.  That was until we encountered a flying deer.

Last night, we made it down deer ally and dropped Katelyn off for jazz class.  I decided we would run to Target during class.  I hadn’t made Brooke and Emily do what I like to call “mad dash dance errands” in a long time, so I figured it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.  So we pulled out of the parking lot and about 30 seconds later I noticed something large and brown and furry and AIRBORNE in my side mirror.  To my surprise, a deer flew out of the ditch and just before we were clear, it took flight into the third row window of the Swagger wagon.  We felt the thud, but didn’t hear it over the shattering glass.  It seriously sounded like we were under attack… attack of the flying deer.  I can honestly say in this case that the deer hit us.  I am just glad I didn’t instinctively slam on my breaks when I saw it in the mirror.  If I had, it would have hit Brooke’s window and would have been so much worse. 

I pulled over (whilst screaming) and quickly turned around to see if the girls were ok.  When I saw how much glass and deer fur there was EVERYWHERE I couldn’t believe it.  It had sprayed all the way up to the front of the van.  It was all around Brooke and Emily, but none was on them.  Then I looked at the back row.  I immediately felt so blessed because Katelyn wasn’t in the van.  She had been sitting on that side and if she would have still been in the car with us, she would have been covered in glass and I am sure scarred for life from the emotional trauma.   

I wasn’t sure who to call to report the accident, so I pulled into a driveway and called Kyle.  While he was calmly walking me through what to do, the home owner of the afore mentioned driveway arrived.  She and her husband were so nice to me.  He offered to go look for the deer to see if we needed to call the “deer clean up guys” and he even pulled all the giant chunks of deer pelt off of the outside of the van.  His wife helped me check Emily’s seat for glass and we decided to have Brooke just not move.  We couldn’t get her door open and didn’t want her to get cut while getting in and out of her seat.  I also didn’t want her to see all of the fur in the backseat. 

Once I calmed down, I drove back to the studio and made the necessary calls to the Sherriff's office and insurance company.  About 2 minutes after I finished, Katelyn’s class ended and she came outside.  I met her on the sidewalk so I could tell her what happened.  I said, “Katelyn, everyone is ok, but a deer went through the back window of the van when we left to go run errands so you are going to ride in the front seat by me.”  She couldn’t believe it, so we walked over and she saw the evidence.  After a moment or two she said, “So did the deer go out the other side or was it in the back seat?”  That was my bad for phasing it the way I did, no wonder she looked so shocked and worried when I told her. 

So we headed home and I made a quick stop at the auto parts store to get some supplies.  I went in and told the worker that I needed to buy a plastic cover for a window in my van.  I told her that I had hit a deer and the glass was shattered.  She said, “Do you mean Plexiglas for  front window or just plastic garbage bag.”  Never realized that those window covers I saw on other people’s cars weren’t nearly as official as I thought. 

Once we arrived home, I was getting the girls some dinner when the nice people who’s driveway I took refuge in called to check on us and make sure we made it home ok. She also told me that her husband never found the deer. So if you are in that area and see a deer with bad limp and an unsightly Mohawk, please don’t give him directions to my house. He isn’t trying to find me to check on our well being or swap insurance information.

Then it was time to for me to clean up the mess.  I decided that this was a little bit like cleaning up after you go to the beach.  Except instead of sand, there were shards of glass, and instead of fun memories and sunshine, there was deer fur and expensive damage to your car, and instead of being warm it was really cold.  So not really the same at all, except for the fact that the glass was hiding in nooks and crannies I didn’t even know the van had. 

When I came back inside after the clean up, I immediately went into the bathroom to wash my hands.  I looked in the mirror and realized how terrible I looked and that is when I saw the real horror.  I had deer fur stuck to my lips.  Awesome.  I peeled it off and made the mistake of telling the girls.  Katelyn’s response was priceless.  She exclaimed, “Gross Mom!”  What if that fur came from the hair by his bottom where the poop comes out???”  Sweet.  I hadn’t thought of that.